The top three things you can do to GAIN more weight to impress your friends
This blog post is about the things you can do to gain weight. Many of the articles on the Internet and the popular books tell you how to eat. This is my attempt to reverse engineer the weight loss formula. According to scientific studies, in order to gain one pound, you will only need to consume 3500 extra calories of food. That should not be too hard. As a matter of fact, I think you could eat with the smartest people in the world and gain a few extra pounds. After all, you might need the extra pounds in case the recession takes hold and you need to live off the extra weight you gained! So my goal is to help you pack on a few pounds of prosperous fat to help boost the economy. With my secret formula, I guarantee you results of 0.5-2 lbs a week which will give you about 25-60 lbs minimum weight gain in a year. There will be more of you to love in a year. Let’s get stated.
Start eating fast food
This one seems obvious, but let’s dig a little deeper as to why eating junk food is going to help you reach your weight gain goals. According to dietfacts.com a Double Cheeseburger gives you a nice hit of 450 calories. Add a large set of french fries will round out that number by adding an additional 545 calories. Yummy! How about a large Coke as you may get a bit thirsty from all those fries. Matter of fact, ask the person behind the register to kindly super size your meal for a paltry 29 cents. Let me see, that will add an additional 410 calories. Boy, that is some really great food. Now lets whip out our handy dandy calculator to tally up our calories. 450 + 545 + 41= 1405 calories in one meal. We are half way toward our goal of an extra 3500 calories. Not bad–especially for one meal.
While I am on the subject of counting calories, my mom always said I should eat more fruit and vegetables. I wonder how many apples I would need to eat to get to 1405 calories? Let’s go check dietfacts.com just for grins. It turns out that one large apple is only 110 calories. So let me see, divide 1405 by 110 gives me 12.7 apples. Wow, normally I only eat about one apple per meal. How can I do 12.7 apples in one meal? I think I’m going to have a tummy ache!
You will drink more soda and juice
Now I know that water is essential to your body and has zero calories. Did you know your body is made up of 60-70% water. Did you know that juice and soda contain water too? So you should drink more soda and juice to keep that body supplied with water. After all you water is essential. Now I know that a glass of orange juice is made up of juice concentrate and high fructose corn syrup that will make your blood sugar level go up really high and stop your body from burning fat. I also heard that high fructose corn syrup will make you hungry, great! That way, you could eat some more fast food or 5 of the 12.7 apples that we discussed above. Plus, according to thedailyplate.com website, a can of Sprite only has 140 calories with 38 grams of sugar. Now 38 grams of sugar is only about (1 tsp according to Wiki Answers is 3 grams sugar) so 38 divided by 3 would give me a nice even 10 teaspoons of sugar. But wait, you say “I only use about 1-2 teaspoons of sugar in my coffee or tea, why do I want to use 10 teaspoons of sugar in my juice?” Lots of sugar is great for adding those extra pounds, it will help you gain weight faster and make you a candidate for diabetes in no-time flat.
Eat more candy and deserts
Now this is my favourite topic as tiramisu should be tasted and not left alone. You will only need a small slice of Tiramisu approximately 2.5 inches x 3 inches to supply a nice soothing 602 calories. It turns out that tiramisu is actually 70% fat. Mmmmm , it tastes so good! I could go to the gym and burn these extra calories off by doing the following
* Walk for 167 minutes (almost 3 hours )
* Jog for 69 minutes (one hour 20 minutes)
* Swim for 50 minutes (one hour)
* Ride my bicycle for 92 minutes (one hour and 30 minutes)
You can do all the above as you work from home and your kids and customers would not miss you for the hour and a half you would need to burn off that extra calories.
You should gain a nice healthy set of weight in a few months. Your friends will notice that you have changed since you started working from home. The word they will use to describe you will be: PROSPEROUS.
Can you think of a few more things you could do to add to your future weight gain? I know about ten more things you could do to help the process along.
Leave a note in the comment section below with your ideas.
Send me a thank you note via e-mail.